Inspiration and wisdom from divine felines

447 Inspiring Quotes by Douglas Adams

Welcome to our collection of quotes by Douglas Adams.

Wikipedia Summary for Douglas Adams

Douglas Noel Adams (11 March 1952 – 11 May 2001) was an English author, screenwriter, essayist, humorist, satirist and dramatist. Adams was author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which originated in 1978 as a BBC radio comedy, before developing into a "trilogy" of five books that sold more than 15 million copies in his lifetime and generated a television series, several stage plays, comics, a video game, and in 2005 a feature film. Adams's contribution to UK radio is commemorated in The Radio Academy's Hall of Fame.\n\nAdams also wrote Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (1987) and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul (1988), and co-wrote The Meaning of Liff (1983), The Deeper Meaning of Liff (1990), and Last Chance to See (1990). He wrote two stories for the television series Doctor Who, co-wrote City of Death, and served as script editor for its seventeenth season in 1979. He co-wrote the Monty Python sketch "Patient Abuse" which appeared in the final episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus. A posthumous collection of his selected works, including the first publication of his final (unfinished) novel, was published as The Salmon of Doubt in 2002.

Adams was an advocate for environmentalism and conservation, a lover of fast cars, technological innovation and the Apple Macintosh, and a self-proclaimed "radical atheist".

flowers beside yellow wall

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

--Douglas Adams

Longer Version:

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.


green leafed vegetable on brown wooden surface

It all sounds rather naive and sentimental to be talking about children laughing and dancing and singing together when we all know perfectly well that what children do in real life is snarl and take drugs.

--Douglas Adams


three women sitting on rock near body of water

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

--Douglas Adams

sunset

2,000 years ago one man got nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be if everyone was nice to each other for a change.

--Douglas Adams


white stars in the sky during night time

I'm 48, which is a bit of a shock to me. Why only last year I thought I was a precocious young thing!

--Douglas Adams

None

Much to his annoyance, a thought popped into his mind. It was very clear and very distinct, and he had now come to recognize these thoughts for what they were. His instinct was to resist them.

--Douglas Adams



two women making peace sign near the Golden Gate bridge

'Oh dear,' says God, 'I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

--Douglas Adams

blue and white abstract painting

Now," said Benjy mouse, "to business."
Ford and Zaphod clinked their glasses together.
"To business!" they said.
"I beg your pardon?" said Benjy.
Ford looked round.
"Sorry, I thought you were proposing a toast," he said.

--Douglas Adams

woman jumping near white wall paint

Zaphod did not want to tangle with them and, deciding that just as discretion is the better part of valor, so was cowardice is the better part of discretion, he valiantly hid himself in a closet.

--Douglas Adams

black Corona typewriter on brown wood planks

"Will you stop counting!' snarled Zaphod. 'Yes,' said Ford Prefect, 'in three minutes and thirty-five seconds."

--Douglas Adams

pair of white lace-up shoes

Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules.

--Douglas Adams

Longer Version:

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. The Hingefreel people of Arkintoofle Minor did try to build spaceships that were powered by bad news but they didn't work particularly well and were so extremely unwelcome whenever they arrived anywhere that there wasn't really any point in being there.





silhouette of pine trees photo

After ten years of word processing, I can't even do hand writing anymore.

--Douglas Adams

three person looking stars and milky way

There is no point in using the word impossible to describe something that has clearly happened.

--Douglas Adams


silhouette of mountain during sunset

He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arm out wide. "I will go mad!" he annouced.

--Douglas Adams



black and white window illustration

I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day.

--Douglas Adams

purple flower in tilt shift lens

What is this? Some sort of galactic hyperhearse?

--Douglas Adams




rainbow

He turned slowly like a fridge door opening.

--Douglas Adams

mountains covered with fog

He didn't know why he had become president of the galaxy, except that it seemed a fun thing to be.

--Douglas Adams


green leafed plant

I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously.

--Douglas Adams

Arizona landscape

I rarely end up where I was intending to go, but often I end up somewhere I needed to be.

--Douglas Adams

person holding sunflower

As soon as Mr. Prosser realized that he was substantially the loser after all, it was as if a weight lifted itself off his shoulders: this was more like the world as he knew it.

--Douglas Adams


blue, white, and pink petaled flowers on gray surface

That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.

--Douglas Adams


blue and white abstract painting

Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they'd have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City.

--Douglas Adams



woman wearing gray long-sleeved shirt facing the sea

Any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still know where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

--Douglas Adams

woman in white and multicolored floral shirt standing and smiling on yellow sunflower field

Earth: mostly harmless.

--Douglas Adams

brown leaf tree facing the lake

If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

--Douglas Adams

red flower in shallow focus lens

Years and years ago, I did a game based on 'Hitchhiker's Guide' with a company called Infocom, which was a great company. They were doing witty, intelligent, literate games based on text.

--Douglas Adams


silhouette photography of trees and sky

The bird that would soar above the plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings.

--Douglas Adams

grayscale photo of rock formation

You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass.

--Douglas Adams




None

A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.

--Douglas Adams







couple sitting on the field facing the city

A magician wandered along the beach, but no one needed him.

--Douglas Adams


red textile in close up photography

Goosnargh," said Ford Prefect, which was a special Betelgeusian word he used when he knew he should say something but didn't know what it should be.

--Douglas Adams


blue rose in close up photography

They live in perpetual fear of the time they call "The Coming of the Great White Handkerchief.

--Douglas Adams

Dark purple to red to orange gradient

Their minds sang with the ecstatic knowledge that either what they were doing was completely and utterly and totally impossible or that physics had a lot of catching up to do.

--Douglas Adams

green ceramic mug on wooden desk

Do you find coming to terms with the mindless tedium of it all presents an interesting challenge?

--Douglas Adams

assorted books on wooden table

The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is...42!

--Douglas Adams


forest trees

To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.

--Douglas Adams

None

A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about.

--Douglas Adams


close up shot of white flower

I teleported home last night with Ron and Sid and Meg Ron stole Meggy's heart away and I got Sidney's leg.

--Douglas Adams

pink and teal striped textile

Being virtually killed by a virtual laser in a virtual space is just as effective as the real thing, because you are as dead as you think you are.

--Douglas Adams

flowers

Life is wasted on the living.

--Douglas Adams



boy and cat in front of moon

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?

--Douglas Adams

gray concrete floor

Everything you see or hear or experience in any way at all is specific to you. You create a universe by perceiving it, so everything in the universe you perceive is specific to you.

--Douglas Adams

black fawn pug playing with plush toy

Who can possibly rule if no one who wants to do it can be allowed to?

--Douglas Adams




None

Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence.

--Douglas Adams

closeup photography of brown and gray concrete bricks

The Answer to the Great Question... Of Life, the Universe and Everything... Is... Forty-two,' said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.

--Douglas Adams





black fishes

The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead.

--Douglas Adams


silhouette of person wearing cowboy hat during sunset

"Fuck 'em," said Ford, slumping on the bed. "You can't care about every damn thing."

--Douglas Adams


white ceramic mug with coffee on brown wooden table

There are some oddities in the perspective with which we see the world.

--Douglas Adams

forest and body of water

The simple truth is that interstellar distances will not fit into the human imagination.

--Douglas Adams

empty seashore near high-rise building

The only thing nicer than a phone that didn't ring all the time (or indeed at all) was six phones that didn't ring all the time (or indeed at all).

--Douglas Adams


seashore during golden hour

Structural linguistics is a bitterly divided and unhappy profession, and a large number of its practitioners spend many nights drowning their sorrows in Ouisghian Zodahs.

--Douglas Adams

band performing on stage in front of people

Nobleness was one word for making a fuss about the trivial inevitabilities of life, but there were others.

--Douglas Adams


green trees under white sky during daytime

Time travel, by its very nature, was invented in all periods of history simultaneously.

--Douglas Adams


blue painted wall with white paint

I find the difference, for me, between having no money and having quite a bit is that the bills get bigger. And that's it. The lifestyle doesn't change.

--Douglas Adams

foggy mountains

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.

--Douglas Adams

None

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.

--Douglas Adams

blue and white light digital wallpaper

A theory of the universe that states: If anyone finds out what the universe is for, it will disappear and be replaced by something more bizarrely inexplicable.

--Douglas Adams

None

"The Guide says there is an art to flying," said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

--Douglas Adams

black portable vinyl records

Life! Don't talk to me about life!

--Douglas Adams


leafless tree

Zaphod marched quickly down the passageway, nervous as hell, but trying to hide it by striding purposefully.

--Douglas Adams






sunset

We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.

--Douglas Adams

Longer Version:

We are stuck with technology when all we really want is just stuff that works. How do you recognize something that is still technology? A good clue is if it comes with a manual.


foggy mountains

Working out the social politics of who you can trust and why is, quite literally, what a very large part of our brain has evolved to do.

--Douglas Adams


black portable vinyl records

One is never alone with a rubber duck.

--Douglas Adams

red rope on three branch

The man was awake but not glad to be.

--Douglas Adams



purple textile in close up photography

The great thing about being the only species that makes a distiction between right and wrong is that we can make up the rules for ourselves as we go along.

--Douglas Adams


pink flowers with white background

In an infinite Universe anything can happen.

--Douglas Adams

silhouette of person's hands forming heart

God's Final Message to His Creation:
'We apologize for the inconvenience.'

--Douglas Adams

None

"Could be. I'm a pretty dangerous dude when I'm cornered."
"Yeah," said the voice from under the table, "you go to pieces so fast people get hit by the shrapnel."

--Douglas Adams



Arizona landscape donkey

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

--Douglas Adams


A white stripe pattern made up of concrete facade ribs

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.

--Douglas Adams


high-angle photography of beach side

The Saab seethed off into the night. Arthur watched it go, as stunned as a man might be who, having believed himself to be totally blind for five years, suddenly discovers that he had merely been wearing too large a hat.

--Douglas Adams


pink and green flower painting

Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose.

--Douglas Adams

castle surrounded fog

Laser light flickered all over him as if he was a packet of biscuits at a super-market check-out.

--Douglas Adams

man standing outdoors

Arthur blinked at the screens and felt he was missing something important. Suddenly he realized what it was.
"Is there any tea on this spaceship?" he asked.

--Douglas Adams

stars across the sky view at the desert

Trin Tragula--for that was his name--was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher or as his wife would have it, an idiot.

--Douglas Adams


white desk lamp beside green plant

The teacher usually learns more than the pupils. Isn't that true? "It would be hard to learn much less than my pupils," came a low growl from somewhere on the table, "without undergoing a pre-frontal lobotomy."

--Douglas Adams





silhouette photo of mountain during nighttime

Time is bunk.

--Douglas Adams



milky way wallpaper

The world is a thing of utter inordinate complexity and richness and strangeness that is absolutely awesome.

--Douglas Adams

blue sky with stars during night time

The only person for whom the house was in any way special was Arthur Dent, and that was only because it happened to be the one he lived in.

--Douglas Adams

aerial photography of forest

It can be very dangerous to see things from somebody else's point of view without the proper training.

--Douglas Adams

green leaf in close up photography

Grown men, he told himself, in flat contradiction of centuries of accumulated evidence about the way grown men behave, do not behave like this.

--Douglas Adams


forest with tall and green trees during daytime

"Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple."
"Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that."

--Douglas Adams



landscape photo of waters, mountains, and black clouds

What does it matter? Science has achieved some wonderful things, of course, but I'd far rather be happy than right any day.

--Douglas Adams

aerial photo of foggy mountains

And that is what Mauritius is most famous for: the extinction of the dodo.

--Douglas Adams





white and gray floral bed sheet

There are two things you should remember when dealing with parallel universes. One, they're not really parallel, and two, they're not really universes.

--Douglas Adams




sunset

Time affords us the ability to blame past errors on others while whole heartedly pronouncing our futures successes.

--Douglas Adams



green leafed plant on clear glass vase filled with water

Perhaps they are singing songs to you,' he said, 'and I just think they're asking me questions.' He paused again. Sometimes he would pause for days, just to see what it was like.

--Douglas Adams

None

Imagine" he said, "never even thinking, 'We are alone,' simply because it has never occurred to you to think that there's any other way to be.

--Douglas Adams

person holding sunflower

It's reassuring to realize that everybody is as stupid as you are and that all we are doing when we are standing in the kitchen wondering what we came in here for is "woking.

--Douglas Adams



selective focus photography of woman taking selfie

If there's any real truth, it's that the entire multidimensional infinity of the Universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs.

--Douglas Adams

rocky mountain under starry night

I used to be a great fan of doing crosswords. When you're fiddling around with anagrams, you get wonderful jumbles of syllables that become interesting.

--Douglas Adams

green trees on forest during daytime

Zbogom, i hvala za svu tu ribu!

--Douglas Adams



aerial photography of mountain range covered with snow under white and blue sky at daytime

Having not said anything the first time, it was somehow even more difficult to broach the subject the second time around.

--Douglas Adams


pink and blue painted wall

Fifteen years was a long time to be stranded anywhere, particularly somewhere as mind-boggingly dull as Earth.

--Douglas Adams


green and white painted wall

What god would be hanging around Terminal Two of Heathrow Airport trying to catch the 15:37 flight to Oslo?

--Douglas Adams


orange and white stone fragment

And we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere … and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys.

--Douglas Adams

blue, white, and pink petaled flowers on gray surface

Nobody got murdered before lunch. But nobody. People weren't up to it. You needed a good lunch to get both the blood-sugar and blood-lust levels up.

--Douglas Adams

closeup photography of wall

The air was stifling, but he liked it because it was stifling city air, full of excitingly unpleasant smells, dangerous music, and the distant sound of warring police tribes.

--Douglas Adams


orange tabby cat on black textile

I come in peace...Take me to your lizard.

--Douglas Adams


blue, white, and pink petaled flowers on gray surface

The difference between us and a computer is that, the computer is blindingly stupid, but it is capable of being stupid many, many million times a second.

--Douglas Adams

forest with tall and green trees during daytime

Pardon me for breathing, which I never do any way so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God, I'm so depressed.

--Douglas Adams


red textile in close up photography

Zaphod felt he was teetering on the edge of madness and wondered if he shouldn't just jump over and have done with it.

--Douglas Adams



blue and white abstract painting

I briefly did therapy, but after a while, I realised it is just like a farmer complaining about the weather. You can't fix the weather -- you just have to get on with it.

--Douglas Adams


empty concrete road covered surrounded by tall tress with sun rays

You can't dodge your responsibilities by saying they don't exist!

--Douglas Adams

beach shore during day time

And so the problem remained; lots of people were mean, and most were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.

--Douglas Adams

landscape photography of mountain hit by sun rays

It's good to leave your room super-messy when you're away. Whoever tries to break into your room will thought it has already been ransacked.

--Douglas Adams


blue and white abstract painting

Oh, er, well the hatchway in front of us will open in a few moments and we will shoot out into deep space I expect and asphyxiate. If you take a lungful of air with you you can last for up to thirty seconds, of course.

--Douglas Adams

man standing on cliff under white sky

We notice things that don't work. We don't notice things that do. We notice computers, we don't notice pennies. We notice e-book readers, we don't notice books.

--Douglas Adams


man and woman holding hands

Ow! My brains!

--Douglas Adams



green leaf in close up photography

The Universe, as has been observed before, is an unsettlingly big place, a fact which for the sake of a quiet life most people tend to ignore.

--Douglas Adams

person on road at sunset

The last thing he wanted after a hellish night like this one was some blasted day coming along and barging about the place.

--Douglas Adams

None

Wail, wail, screech, wail, honk, honk, squeak went the bagpipes, increasing the captain's already considerable pleasure at the thought that any moment now they might stop.

--Douglas Adams






blue and white floral textile

Why can't people just learn to live together in peace and harmony?" said Arthur.
Ford gave a loud, very hollow laugh.
"Forty-two!" he said with a malicious grin. "No, doesn't work. Never mind.

--Douglas Adams

trees at sunset

The single raindrop never feels responsible for the flood.

--Douglas Adams

trees under blue sky and stars during nighttime photo

There are some people you like immediately, some whom you think you might learn to like in the fullness of time, and some that you simply want to push away from you with a sharp stick.

--Douglas Adams


brown wooden board

The fact is, I don't know where my ideas come from. Nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn't collapse when you beat your head against it.

--Douglas Adams

white rock formation on sea during daytime

There is a piece of me that likes to fondly imagine my maverick and rebellious nature. But, more accurately, I like to have a nice and cosy institution that I can rub up against a little bit.

--Douglas Adams

purple flowers under sunny sky

In the center lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn't lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot.

--Douglas Adams

low-angle photo of white daisy

Funny, how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does.

--Douglas Adams

lone tree in grassland

Reality is frequently inaccurate.

--Douglas Adams

None

A five-week sand blizzard?" said Deep Thought haughtily. "You ask this of me who have contemplated the very vectors of the atoms in the Big Bang itself? Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff.

--Douglas Adams




man running on seashore

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

--Douglas Adams

blue wallpaper

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

--Douglas Adams

black and white abstract illustration

Being offended by things is the world's big hobby at the moment. It's almost taken over from wearing goatee beards.

--Douglas Adams



person walking on snowfield

Here, for whatever reason, is the world. And here it stays. With me on it.

--Douglas Adams

green trees under blue sky at daytime

My universe is my eyes and my ears. Anything else is hearsay.

--Douglas Adams


black textile in close up photography

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

--Douglas Adams

empty brown concrete stairs beside green grass under starry sky long-exposure photography

The most misleading assumptions are the ones you don't even know you're making.

--Douglas Adams


empty brown concrete stairs beside green grass under starry sky long-exposure photography

I am rarely happier than when spending an entire day programming my computer.

--Douglas Adams

Longer Version:

I am rarely happier than when spending entire day programming my computer to perform automatically a task that it would otherwise take me a good ten seconds to do by hand.


green water in close up photography

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.

--Douglas Adams

sunset highway

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.

--Douglas Adams

stainless steel key on brown rod

Yes but, Arthur, that's ridiculous. People think that if you just say 'hallucinations' it explains anything you want it to explain and eventually whatever it is you can't understand will just go away.

--Douglas Adams

silhouette of woman during sunset

Ah, thank you,' said Ford. He and Arthur took their jynnan tonnyx. Arthur sipped his, and was surprised to discover it tasted very like a whisky and soda.

--Douglas Adams

photo of mountains

It was one of those pictures that children are supposed to like but don't. Full of endearing little animals doing endearing things, you know?

--Douglas Adams


blue and white painted wall

Shoeburyness (abs.n.) The vague uncomfortable feeling you get when sitting on a seat which is still warm from somebody else's bottom.

--Douglas Adams

lion on green grass during golden hour

In cases of major discrepancy its always reality thats got it wrong ... reality is frequently inaccurate.

--Douglas Adams

man on running field

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher… or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.

--Douglas Adams

landscape photography of mountains with cloudy skies during golden hour

I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.

--Douglas Adams

None

The books people are writing today, they're too long. You get a little bit of plot, and then pages and pages of Creative Writing. They teach classes in how to do this. They should teach classes in how to stop!

--Douglas Adams

blue wallpaper

Cyberspace is -- or can be -- a good, friendly and egalitarian place to meet.

--Douglas Adams

None

He sniggered.
He didn't like to think of himself as the sort of person who giggled or sniggered, but he had to admit that he had been giggling and sniggering almost continuously for well over half an hour now.

--Douglas Adams

leafless tree

One always overcompensates for disabilities. I'm thinking of having my entire body surgically removed.

--Douglas Adams

silhouette photography of trees and sky

'If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.'

--Douglas Adams

white sand

Zaphod Beeblebrox, adventurer, ex-hippie, good-timer (crook? quite possibly), manic self-publicist, terrible bad at personal relationships, often thought to be completely out to lunch.

--Douglas Adams

shallow focus photography of red flower

How many roads must a man walk down?

--Douglas Adams

photo og calm body of water

I'd far rather be happy than right any day.

--Douglas Adams

person shadow boxing grayscale

Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.

--Douglas Adams

two person standing while watching sky

The more Susan waited, the more the doorbell didn't ring. Or the phone.

--Douglas Adams


brown grass on brown sand under blue sky during daytime

We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!

--Douglas Adams



snowy mountain

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.

--Douglas Adams

person on road at sunset

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

--Douglas Adams


green leaf in close up photography

God is no longer an explanation of anything, but has instead become something that would itself need an insurmountable amount of explaining.

--Douglas Adams

black and gray textile in close up photography

For millions of years, on average, one species became extinct every century.... We are now heaving more than a thousand different species of animals and plants off the planet every year.

--Douglas Adams

brown mountain under starry sky

Every country is like a particular type of person. America is like a belligerent, adolescent boy, Canada is like an intelligent, 35 year old woman. Australia is like Jack Nicholson.

--Douglas Adams


man in black bubble hoodie looking at the stars

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

--Douglas Adams


closeup photography of brown and gray concrete bricks

Don't blame you," said Marvin and counted five hundred and ninety-seven thousand million sheep before falling asleep again a second later.

--Douglas Adams

red textile on brown wooden table

Rather than arriving five hours late and flustered, it would be better all around if he were to arrive five hours and a few extra minutes late, but triumphantly in command.

--Douglas Adams


lion on green grass during golden hour

There is no problem so complicated that you can't find a very simple answer to it if you look at it right.

--Douglas Adams



person holding dried beans

What I need... is a strong drink and a peer group.

--Douglas Adams


green moss on brown tree trunk

I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it.

--Douglas Adams

purple flowers under sunny sky

The story goes that I first had the idea for The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy while lying drunk in a field in Innsbruck.

--Douglas Adams


None

But while nature has considerable resilience, there is a limit to how far that resilience can be stretched. No one knows how close to the limit we are getting. The darker it gets, the faster we're driving.

--Douglas Adams

body of water during daytime

Siamese Cats have a way of staring at you. Those who have walked in on the Queen cleaning her teeth will know the expression.

--Douglas Adams

None

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.

--Douglas Adams


None

There was one planet off in the seventh dimension that got used as a ball in a game of intergalactic bar billiards. Got potted straight into a black hole.

--Douglas Adams

Light blue to purple gradient

The usual method of finding a little dongly thing that actually matches a gizmo I want to use is to go and buy another one, at a price that can physically drive the air from your body.

--Douglas Adams




purple flowered hedge plants

Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied.

--Douglas Adams

yellow sunflower in bloom during daytime

Beppu (n.) The triumphant slamming shut of a book after reading the final page.

--Douglas Adams

dirt road to sunset

A cup of tea would restore my normality.

--Douglas Adams

black textile in close up photography

The reason why so many sects hang around airports looking for converts: they know that people there are at their most vulnerable and perplexed, and ready to accept any kind of guidance.

--Douglas Adams



foggy mountain summit

"I think we have different value systems." --Arthur
"Well mine's better." --Ford.

--Douglas Adams


shallow focus photography of brown and black bird

I don't go to mythical places with strange men.

--Douglas Adams

multicolored abstract painting

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

--Douglas Adams

high-angle photography of beach side

So you can imagine what happens when a mainland species gets introduced to an island. It would be like introducing Al Capone, Genghis Khan and Rupert Murdoch into the Isle of Wight -- the locals wouldn't stand a chance.

--Douglas Adams




red and white led lighted heart decor

The difficulty with this conversation is that it's very different from most of the ones I've had of late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees.

--Douglas Adams


round black vinyl disc on vinyl player

'You're a jerk,' repeated the alien, 'a complete asshole.'

--Douglas Adams



person holding white book

I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: "Macintosh -- We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end."

--Douglas Adams

landscape photography of mountain

Technology is a word that describes something that doesn't work yet.

--Douglas Adams





sunset

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

--Douglas Adams

shallow focus photography of brown and black bird

I don't believe there's a horse in your bathroom.

--Douglas Adams

A white stripe pattern made up of concrete facade ribs

The actual building was old and dilapidated and remained standing more out of habit than from any inherent structural integrity.

--Douglas Adams

snow covered mountain under blue sky

Even a manically depressed robot is better to talk to than nobody.

--Douglas Adams

black dragonfly perched on green grass in close up photography during daytime

If you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language.

--Douglas Adams

white clouds and blue sky

If you ever find you need help again, you know, if you are in trouble, need a hand out of a tight corner, please, don't hesitate to get lost.

--Douglas Adams

white and yellow flowers during daytime

High on a rocky promontory sat an Electric Monk on a bored horse.

--Douglas Adams

None

I really didn't foresee the Internet. But then, neither did the computer industry. Not that that tells us very much of course -- the computer industry didn't even foresee that the century was going to end.

--Douglas Adams


gray and brown hummingbird perching on yellow petaled flower

He's spending a year dead for tax reasons.

--Douglas Adams

sunflower field during daytime

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

--Douglas Adams


gray wooden house on green plains near mountain range at daytime

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

--Douglas Adams

sand

Ford carried on counting quietly. This is about the most aggressive thing you can do to a computer, the equivalent of going up to a human being and saying "Blood...blood...blood...blood.

--Douglas Adams

person wearing red running shoe

Alltami (n.) The ancient art of being able to balance the hot and cold shower taps.

--Douglas Adams



aerial photography of mountain range covered with snow under white and blue sky at daytime

Gordon Way's astonishment at being suddenly shot dead was nothing compared to his astonishment at what happened next.

--Douglas Adams



None

It's easy to think that as a result of the extinction of the dodo, we are now sadder and wiser, but there's a lot of evidence to suggest that we are merely sadder and better informed.

--Douglas Adams

white wall paint beside white wall

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.

--Douglas Adams


white desk lamp beside green plant

And the renewed shock had nearly made him spill his drink. He drained it quickly before anything serious happened to it. He then had another quick one to follow the first one down and check that it was all right.

--Douglas Adams


couple sitting near trees during golden hour

For as long as he could remember, he'd suffered from a vague nagging feeling of being not all there.

--Douglas Adams



rocky mountain

Most of the time spent wrestling with technologies that don't quite work yet is just not worth it for end users, however much fun it is for nerds.

--Douglas Adams

four white balloons on white wall

The best conversation I had was over forty million years ago,' continued Marvin.
Again the pause. '
Oh d--'
'And that was with a coffee machine.' He waited.

--Douglas Adams

blue textile with blue background

We find our images of what we call evil in things outside ourselves, in creatures that know nothing of such matters, so that we can feel revolted by them, and, by contrast, good about ourselves.

--Douglas Adams



None

Why' is the only question that bothers people enough to have an entire letter of the alphabet named after it. The alphabet does not go 'A B C D What? When? How?' but it does go 'V W X Why? Z.

--Douglas Adams


orange petaled flowers

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.

--Douglas Adams


person on road at sunset

If life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion.

--Douglas Adams

city lights from hill

Anything that thinks logically can be fooled by something else that thinks at least as logically as it does.

--Douglas Adams

sealion surrounded by rocks during daytime

This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time.

--Douglas Adams

None

Could be. I'm a pretty dangerous dude when I'm cornered." "Yeah," said the voice from under the table, "you go to pieces so fast people get hit by the shrapnel.

--Douglas Adams

photography of white wall lot

I will understand perfectly if you don't want to answer, but I will just keep pestering you until you do.

--Douglas Adams

white stars cutout on black surface with red string

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

--Douglas Adams

city lights from hill

If everyone knew exactly what I was going to say, then there would be no point in my saying it, would there?

--Douglas Adams


aerial photo of foggy mountains

The Macintosh may only have 10% of the market, but it is clearly the top 10%.

--Douglas Adams

blue and white striped textile

Arthur lay in startled stillness on the acceleration couch. He wasn't certain whether he had just got space-sickness or religion.

--Douglas Adams






purple flowered hedge plants

What the computer in virtual reality enables us to do is to recalibrate ourselves so that we can start seeing those pieces of information that are invisible to us but have become important for us to understand.

--Douglas Adams


None

A fragrant breeze wandered up from the quiet sea, trailed along the beach, and drifted back to the sea again, wondering where to go next. On a mad impulse it went up to the beach again. It drifted back to sea.

--Douglas Adams


white flowers in brown stem

All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.

--Douglas Adams





time lapse photography of lightning during storm

There was a terribly ghastly silence. There was a terribly ghastly noise. There was a terribly ghastly silence.

--Douglas Adams

white and blue building under clear sky

The seat received him in a loose and distant kind of way, like an aunt who disapproves of the last fifteen years of your life and will therefore furnish you with a basic sherry, but refuses to catch your eye.

--Douglas Adams

close up photo of tree

We can't win against obsession. They care, we don't. They win.

--Douglas Adams


yellow sunflower under blue sky during daytime

Why are people born? Why do they die? Why do they want to spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?

--Douglas Adams



None

Everybody has their moment of great opportunity in life. If you happen to miss the one you care about, then everything else becomes eerily easy.

--Douglas Adams

green water in close up photography

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

--Douglas Adams

sealion surrounded by rocks during daytime

Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast.

--Douglas Adams

Longer Version:

Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get there, and what's so great about point B that so many people from point A are so keen to get there. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be.


sunset grasslands

I've had the sort of day that would make St. Francis of Assisi kick babies.

--Douglas Adams


galaxy

The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.

--Douglas Adams


snow covered mountain during daytime

I don't want to die now!" he yelled. "I've still got a headache! I don't want to go to heaven with a headache, I'd be all cross and wouldn't enjoy it!

--Douglas Adams

black textile in close up photography

"My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first."

--Douglas Adams

blue, yellow, and brown wall decor

I think that the digital media are interesting enough in their own right to be worth originating something in.

--Douglas Adams

None

Please relax," said the voice pleasantly, like a stewardess in an airliner with only one wing and two engines one of which is on fire, "you are perfectly safe.

--Douglas Adams

2 people riding on boat during sunset

Beethoven tells you what it's like to be Beethoven and Mozart tells you what it's like to be human. Bach tells you what it's like to be the universe.

--Douglas Adams


high-angle photography of beach side

"Ok," he said, "I don't like to disturb you at what I know must be a difficult and distressing time for you, but I need to know first of all if you actually realize that this is a difficult and distressing time for you."

--Douglas Adams




brown and gray mountains during daytime

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
"Ask a glass of water!"

--Douglas Adams

2 people riding on boat during sunset

‎If you ever find you need help again, you know, if you're in trouble, need a hand out of a corner..."
"Yeah?"
"Please don't hesitate to get lost.

--Douglas Adams

Longer Version:

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression "As pretty as an airport." Airports are ugly. Some are very ugly. Some attain a degree of ugliness that can only be the result of a special effort. This ugliness arises because airports are full of people who are tired, cross, and have just discovered that their luggage has landed in Murmansk (Murmansk airport is the only exception of this otherwise infallible rule), and architects have on the whole tried to reflect this in their designs.




silhouette of mountains under blue sky during daytime

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

--Douglas Adams


toddlers standing outdoors

There's nothing worse than sitting down to write a novel and saying, 'Well, okay, I'm going to do something of high artistic worth.'

--Douglas Adams

blue and white light digital wallpaper

I wanted to be a writer-performer like the Pythons. In fact, I wanted to be John Cleese, and it took me some time to realise that the job was, in fact, taken.

--Douglas Adams

Arizona landscape

I love to keep poking and prodding at it. I've thought about it so much over the years that that fascination is bound to spill over into my writing.

--Douglas Adams

selective photography of dried leaf

In order to fly, all one must do is simply miss the ground.

--Douglas Adams


man standing outdoors

If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.

--Douglas Adams



yellow and red color textile

And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before -- and thus was the Empire forged.

--Douglas Adams

woman lying on pool

We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway.

--Douglas Adams


black mountain under blue sky during night time

I want to make a headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let¡s call it my stomach.

--Douglas Adams



green trees near lake under cloudy sky during daytime

Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.

--Douglas Adams

high-angle photography of beach side

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

--Douglas Adams

Arizona landscape

Who is this god person anyway?

--Douglas Adams


landscape photo of mountain during nighttime

'Totally mad,' he said, 'utter nonsense. But we'll do it because it's brilliant nonsense.'

--Douglas Adams


blue and white abstract painting

The fact that all of this was happening in virtual space made no difference. Being virtually killed by virtual laser in virtual space is just as effective as the real thing, because you are as dead as you think you are.

--Douglas Adams

white Starbuck plastic cup on brown fabric armchair

Don't spin your wheels and stress. Take a deep breath, center yourself and make a plan.

--Douglas Adams


yellow painted wall

I've been trying to... Having been an English literary graduate, I've been trying to avoid the idea of doing art ever since. I think the idea of art kills creativity.

--Douglas Adams


purple petaled flower on gray surface

Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.

--Douglas Adams



rainbow

In moments of great stress, every life form that exists gives out a tiny subliminal signal.

--Douglas Adams

None

Stotting is jumping upward with all four legs simultaneously. My advice: do not die until you've seen a large black poodle stotting in the snow.

--Douglas Adams

blue sky and white clouds

I have terrible periods of lack of confidence. I just don't believe I can do it and no evidence to the contrary will sway me from that view.

--Douglas Adams

silver round analog wall clock

The impossible did not bother him unduly. If it could not possibly be done, then obviously it had been done impossibly.

--Douglas Adams

white and blue building under clear sky

You come to me for advice, but you can't cope with anything you don't recognize. Hmmm. So we'll have to tell you something you already know but make it sound like news, eh Well, business as usual , I suppose.

--Douglas Adams

depth photography of purple petaled flowers

No voy a ser la marioneta de nadie, mucho menos, de mí mismo.

--Douglas Adams

beach during daytime

As a child, I was an active Christian. I used to love the school choir and remember the carol service as always such an emotional thing.

--Douglas Adams

yellow and blue painted wall

He suddenly exploded in a flurry of arms and legs, out of which flew a ball.

--Douglas Adams


We wish you a perfect day!