Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
Raisins are a thing that lasts, they come in small boxes, and you always feel like eating raisins, even at six in the morning. A raisin is always an appropriate snack.
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.
The downfall of most diets is that they restrict your intake of food.
Ever since I was a little child, I refused to see movies of books that I loved. Because you already know what Heidi looks like and she doesn't look like Shirley Temple.
I, unfortunately, take the subway a lot. It's not my preference, but it is my lot in life.
Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
If there had been a job of being a reader, I would have taken that, because I love to read and I don't love to write. That would be blissful.
Scientists -- the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram.
Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram. The rigors of learning how to do long division have been a traditional part of childhood, just like learning to smoke. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the two go hand in hand. Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.
You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
Frenchman: Germans with good food.
If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something.
If thine enemy offends thee, give his child a drum.
Your grandparents did not endure the indignities of a steerage journey to Ellis Island so that you could stand outside a discothèque and beg a wallpaper designer to take you in with him.
If you're going to America, bring your own food.
I hate money. It is boring and it is arithmetic. The two things I hate the most.
Marriage entitles women to the protection of a strong man who will steady the stepladder while they paint the kitchen ceiling.
It would also have been helpful to have gone to a Catholic grammar school. The only people who know grammar are those people who went to Catholic grammar school. Those nuns beat it into them.
I have the exact opposite problem of every writer I've ever met: Every writer I've ever met writes things that are too long, and they have to edit them down.
Writers get exactly the right amount of fame: just enough to get a good table in a restaurant but not enough so that people are constantly interrupting you while you're eating dinner.
I have known...only one really, really good writer in my life who loves to write. Only one...Most people who love to write are horrible writers, so of course they love to write.
There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the idea of ever being embarrassed by anything.
There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn.
There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn. You see, advice and lovelorn don't go together. Because advice makes love sound like some sort of cognitive activity, but we know that it isn't. We all know that it's some sort of horrible chemical reaction over which we have absolutely no control. And that's why advice doesn't work.
Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house.
It's very important who the president of the United States is. America is a great idea, so that's why it's a great country.
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
Why not have your first baby at sixty, when your husband is already dead and your career is over? Then you can really devote yourself to it.
Contrary to what many of you may imagine, a career in letters is not without its drawbacks -- chief among them the unpleasant fact that one is frequently called upon to sit down and write.
When I was young, I liked romance. But to me, romance is the opposite of domestic life. I just don't want anyone in the apartment, not for longer than a few hours.
What I can't be is monogamous. That tends to upset people. I just don't like domestic life.
If you have a burning restless urge to paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
A woman's quest in life should be to find the perfect apartment. And I have found the perfect apartment. The perfect apartment is the first floor of the Metropolitan Museum. With a sofa.
Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.
It's very disheartening to encounter a fearful twenty-one year old. They haven't earned the right to be that afraid. It's not like we're living in war-torn Bosnia or something.
If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influence from what is generally regarded as American culture, you would pretty much be left with "Let's Make a Deal.
Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people.
Civilised adults do not take apple juice with dinner.
The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
You're only as good as your last haircut.
If, while watching the sun set on a used-car lot in Los Angeles, you are struck by the parallels between this image and the inevitable fate of humanity, do not, under any circumstances, write it down.
Polite conversation is rarely either.
Twenty-four-hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sandwich to arrive. This is indeeddisheartening, particularly when you've ordered scrambled eggs.
All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It's much more relaxing to actually write.
How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.
Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.
New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
Middle class was defined by having certain values and only a certain amount of money. But this new middle class seems to have absolutely no values and an unlimited amount of money.
Life is so absurd now that it is almost impossible to be a satirist in this era.
It's much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It's harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears.
My dream writing room would be the Imperial Library in Vienna.
To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
Think before you speak. Read before you think.
On not reading newspapers: If something important happens, your mother calls you.
I'm not interested in being a wife. I'm interested in being an empress.
I'm such a slow writer I have no need for anything as fast as a word processor. I don't need anything so snappy. I write so slowly that I could write in my own blood without hurting myself.
I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word -- politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
I'm not a nervous person. I'm not afraid to be on TV. I'm only afraid when I write. When I'm at my desk I feel like most people would feel if they went on TV.
If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.
Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
I used to love to write. As a child I used to write all the time. I loved to write up until the second I got my first professional writing job. It turns out it's not that I hate to write. I hate, simply, to work.
I never wanted to have any extra money, if it meant having to have any extra work.
Will power is not telling anybody you quit smoking.
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
I am a New Yorker. I like New York. And I like cities. And it's not my desire to make New York more suburban. I would personally just like to vet each person.
Do not have your child's hair cut by a real hairdresser in a real hairdressing salon. He is, at this point, far too short to be exposed to contempt.
China is not a great idea: capitalism and a dictator. It's like the two worst possible things you could imagine together. It's a very bad idea.
New York's not exactly antiseptic. It could be clean and less dangerous, and not horrible, not under a tidal wave of tourists.
When it comes to sports I am not particularly interested. Generally speaking, I look upon them as dangerous and tiring activities performed by people with whom I share nothing except the right to trial by jury.
Food is definitely important part of your balanced diet.
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.
Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
I believe that at birth everyone gets the capacity for a certain amount of drugs and alcohol, everyone the same, you can do it all between 15 and 19 like I did, or you can stretch it out over 70 years.
Because I was young, I had this long hair, and people used to try to tip me with joints.
Breakfast cereals that come in the same colors as polyester leisure suits make oversleeping a virtue.
I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
There are certain relationships I think I'm great at: I'm the world's greatest daughter. I'm a great relative. I believe I'm a great friend.
Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step -- it is an old business procedure.
There are some short essays that are very grave, and most contemporary novels are lighter than air.
White grapes are very attractive but when it comes to dessert people generally like cake with icing.
Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong silent type.
The thing you love right away, don't do it, because that's the very thing that's going to be your addiction for the rest of your life.
Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special.
Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.
While it is undeniably true that people love a surprise, it is equally true that they are seldom pleased to suddenly and without warning happen upon a series of prunes in what they took to be a normal loin of pork.
The first people who died of AIDS were artists. They were the most interesting people.
The Italians are the most civilized people. And they're very warm. Basically, they're Jews with great architecture.
I am alternately very gregarious -- very sociable -- and then very solitary.
Screenwriting is not an artform, it is a punishment from God.
I never would start writing before midnight and I would finish at, like, seven in the morning.
Friendships are easy to get out of compared to love affairs, but they are not easy to get out of compared to, say, jail.
If you read a lot, nothing is as great as you've imagined. Venice is -- Venice is better.
Notoriously insensitive to subtle shifts in mood, children will persist in discussing the color of a recently sighted cement-mixer long after one's own interest in the topic has waned.
Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
The only appropriate response to the question, 'Can I be frank?' is, 'Yes, if I can be Barbara.
Favorite animal: steak.
I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.
If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract -- teach him to deduct.
The great thing about New Jersey is that it's close to New York.
I've never had the experience of being edited and never will.
If you live in New York and you have a guest room, you have guests. So I think it's best not to have a guest room.
To lose yourself in a book is the desire of the bookworm. I mean to be taken. That is my desire.
For the movie review columns, I always knew exactly what I was going to write about -- the movies.
Being poor is like being a child. Being rich is like being an adult: you get to do whatever you want. Everyone is nice when they have to be; rich people are nice when they feel like it.
When I started publishing, I got offers to write for big magazines. But I would always say, "Well, it's not that I don't want to write for these big magazines, but you can't edit it.
I have a double policy, which would also solve immigration: I would stand at the border of New York City and I would say, "You can come here to live, but you can't come here to visit.
On parenthood: You can't change your mind -- you know, and say, this isn't working out, let's sell.
Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing.
Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
Los Angeles is a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel.
I don't care if New York avoided bankruptcy by substituting tourism for the garment business.
Television turned out to be exactly as bad as the most irritating and pedantic intellectuals of the '50s said it was going to be.
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers.
The 3 questions of greatest concern are:, 1) Is it attractive?, 2) Is it amusing?, 3) Does it know its place?
That which we call civilization is merely the accumulated debris of a chilling number of bad nights.
New York was always more expensive than the other places, even when it was going bankrupt. In other words, in 1971, New York was expensive for someone with no money. For anyone.
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding fresh lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand that there must be a reason for this.
There were a zillion bad jobs. That doesn't exist any more. I mean, I could wake up one afternoon with zero money and know that by the end of the day, I would have money.
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
I'm sure that being sober all these years accounts for my ill humor.
I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use.
I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.
Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
American women think that clothes fit them if they can fit into them. But that's not at all what fit means.
I'd like to decide who comes here. I'd like to be the admissions director of New York.
Now the culture is made of old things, it's a collage. Art made out of art is not art. You're supposed to make art out of life.
A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.
Any artist who has that quality of timelessness has that quality because they tell the truth.
Children do not really need money. After all, they don't have to pay rent or send mailgrams.
Democracy is an interesting, even laudable, notion and there is no question but that when compared to Communism, which is too dull, or Fascism, which is too exciting, it emerges as the most palatable form of government.