Inspiration and wisdom from divine felines

199 Inspiring Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

Welcome to our collection of quotes by Mitch Hedberg.

Wikipedia Summary for Mitch Hedberg

Mitchell Lee Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 29, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and deadpan delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs.

Hedberg's comedy and onstage persona gained him a cult following, with audience members sometimes shouting out the punchlines to his jokes before he could finish them. Hedberg died of a drug overdose in 2005; a heart defect may have contributed to his death.

adult Cavalier King Charles Spaniel dog

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

--Mitch Hedberg

man running on seashore

I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

--Mitch Hedberg

person on road at sunset

I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" I answered, "It's a Boys."

--Mitch Hedberg

adult black and tan dachshund

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.

--Mitch Hedberg

Longer Version:

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign,' just ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.


mountains under white clouds at daytime

Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?

--Mitch Hedberg

None

They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!

--Mitch Hedberg


silhouette of man standing on rock while looking in sky

I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.

--Mitch Hedberg

two persons holding each other hands

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

--Mitch Hedberg

None

I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.

--Mitch Hedberg

silhouette of person standing beside bare tree under stary sky

I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.

--Mitch Hedberg

blue and white striped textile

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

--Mitch Hedberg


blue and white water waves

Onions make me sad, a lot of people don't realize that. When I'm cutting onions, I'm sad. Because the plight of onions, it's sad. But people don't realize I'm actually crying -- they think I'm just reacting.

--Mitch Hedberg

white pampas grasses near body of water at daytime

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8?

--Mitch Hedberg

None

If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a non-alcoholic.

--Mitch Hedberg


photography of white sky at golden hour

If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!

--Mitch Hedberg

lights pattern swirls

I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, "I'll just get a tan instead."

--Mitch Hedberg

woman standing on forest

Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

--Mitch Hedberg

3 women playing soccer on green grass field during daytime

No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones.

--Mitch Hedberg

time lapse photography body of water

I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle."

--Mitch Hedberg

person shadow boxing grayscale

I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice. I even told that one twice.

--Mitch Hedberg

grey cliff near body of water

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

--Mitch Hedberg


grayscale photo of rock formation

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

--Mitch Hedberg


silhouette of a woman with pink and purple sky

Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."

--Mitch Hedberg

green trees beside body of water during daytime

Swiss Cheese is a rip-off It's the only cheese I can bite into and miss.

--Mitch Hedberg


woman in white and black stripe long sleeve shirt standing beside brown concrete building during daytime

Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2000 of something.

--Mitch Hedberg

None

As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes. You're all happy at first, but then by the end, you're sick of 'em.

--Mitch Hedberg

brown desert under sunny sky

I did a radio interview; the DJ's first question was "Who are you?" I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?

--Mitch Hedberg

silhouette photography of trees and sky

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.

--Mitch Hedberg


sunset dirt road

I got an ant farm; them fellas didn't grow sh*t.

--Mitch Hedberg

Longer Version:

I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow anything. Hey, how about some celery? Plus, if I tore your legs off, you would look like snowmen.


two dragonflies on green cornate leaf

A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.

--Mitch Hedberg


grey sand wave

This one commercial said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did, and it was a load off of my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell slipcovers, but I didn't know what they were!

--Mitch Hedberg

blue and black abstract painting

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

--Mitch Hedberg

aerial photography of mountain range covered with snow under white and blue sky at daytime

When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

--Mitch Hedberg

photography of white sky at golden hour

So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.

--Mitch Hedberg

yellow and green forest during daytime

Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!

--Mitch Hedberg

forest at sunset

I was booked into the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas with three other comedians. We all were using the Riviera in-house shampoo, so we all had equal shine and bounce.

--Mitch Hedberg

sunset

I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.

--Mitch Hedberg

white pampas grasses near body of water at daytime

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.

--Mitch Hedberg

leafless tree

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

--Mitch Hedberg

leafless tree on snow covered ground

I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number. It started with 555.

--Mitch Hedberg

Hey! I miss you

Then let's print up some flyers!

--Mitch Hedberg

body of water under blue sky during daytime

A lot of bands have intense names, like "Rigor Mortis" or "Mortuary." We weren't that intense, we called ourselves "Injured." Later on we changed it to "Acapella" when we were walking out of the pawn shop.

--Mitch Hedberg

silhouette of trees during sunset

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

--Mitch Hedberg

two women sitting on wooden dock over body of water

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

--Mitch Hedberg

Arizona landscape

I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.

--Mitch Hedberg

white wall paint with black line

I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, "Hey, do you mind if I join you?" Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.

--Mitch Hedberg




purple and black skies

I know people who believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves.

--Mitch Hedberg

Longer Version:

I know people who believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves. It's kind of sad. Okay you don't think you'll ever make it as a musician, but last night you saw a translucent caveman.


silhouette of mountain

I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else.

--Mitch Hedberg

person standing on rock beside body of water between green trees

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

--Mitch Hedberg

view of mountaintops with clouds

Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.

--Mitch Hedberg

None

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er."

--Mitch Hedberg

person with flashlight near lighted green tree on mountain under starry night

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.

--Mitch Hedberg

Longer Version:

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.



seashore during daytime

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man. Those would be hard to sneak away -- "Knock knock -- Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?"

--Mitch Hedberg

aerial photography of forest

I'm not into sports. I mean...I like Gatorade, but that's as far as it goes.

--Mitch Hedberg

panoramic photography of mountains

I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year.

--Mitch Hedberg


yellow green leaf

When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn't get out, something is seriously wrong.

--Mitch Hedberg


silhouette of trees during nighttime

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

--Mitch Hedberg

photography of white sky at golden hour

One time I stayed at a haunted motel. When I checked into my room, there was a sheet on the floor, and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, so I kicked it.

--Mitch Hedberg


Painting of Stonehenge

I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friend Brian, "Do you know anybody who has AIDS?" He says, "No." I say, "Cool, because you know me."

--Mitch Hedberg


person with flashlight near lighted green tree on mountain under starry night

I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.

--Mitch Hedberg

painting of man walking down a road holding umbrella

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

--Mitch Hedberg

A white stripe pattern made up of concrete facade ribs

Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the performer. Bricks make you funny. When I'm in front of a fireplace, I'm hilarious.

--Mitch Hedberg

concert photos

I used to drink wine. This girl asked me, "Doesn't wine give you a headache?" "Yeah, eventually, but the first and the middle part are amazing!"

--Mitch Hedberg


woman standing on cliff

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

--Mitch Hedberg

yellow sunflowers

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.

--Mitch Hedberg

nebulas

If you boat a lot, you're known as a boating enthusiast. I like to boat, but I just don't want to ever be referred to as a boating enthusiast. I hope they call me a guy who likes to boat.

--Mitch Hedberg

green ceramic mug on wooden desk

I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.

--Mitch Hedberg

time lapse photography body of water

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

--Mitch Hedberg

white wall paint beside white wall

I don't have any children, but if I had a baby, I would have to name it, so I would get a baby-naming book. Or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.

--Mitch Hedberg

gray hummingbird

I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.

--Mitch Hedberg


silhouette of mountain during sunset

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

--Mitch Hedberg

sunset

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

--Mitch Hedberg

brown and grey trees and rock formation painting

I played in a death-metal band. People either loved us or hated us. Or they thought we were OK.

--Mitch Hedberg

palm tree under orange sky

I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish." That's a good place to end.

--Mitch Hedberg

coconut tree near body of water

I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?

--Mitch Hedberg

brown rock formation

I'm into carpooling, because sometimes my car gets hot and needs to refresh itself.

--Mitch Hedberg

pink and white light illustration

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

--Mitch Hedberg

rock mountain during starry night

I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry," and so it died.

--Mitch Hedberg


starry night over butte

I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

--Mitch Hedberg

white wall paint with white paint

I travel with a boom box. When I get on a plane, I stuff the power cord for the boom box into the battery compartment. From an outsider's point of view, it looks like I've got it all wrong.

--Mitch Hedberg


yellow, black, green, and orange digital wallpaper

I've never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! "Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner.

--Mitch Hedberg

foggy mountains

Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen.

--Mitch Hedberg


leafless tree under gray sky

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need to dial 9 I say Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick.

--Mitch Hedberg



green leaf in close up photography

People who smoke cigarettes, they say "You don't know how hard it is to quit smoking." Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing.

--Mitch Hedberg

wide lake over sunset view

I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50.

--Mitch Hedberg

yellow and white abstract painting

The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique.

--Mitch Hedberg

coffee mug on top of tablecloth beside ashtray

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

--Mitch Hedberg

green and red flowers

If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised.

--Mitch Hedberg

sunset

If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit.

--Mitch Hedberg

leafless tree under gray sky

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's how I receive it too... I tried to taste it, but it did not work'.

--Mitch Hedberg

blue and white abstract painting

I hate sandwiches at New York delis. Too much meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. "Would you like anything else with the pastrami sandwich?" "Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people!

--Mitch Hedberg

brown and gray brick wall

I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, I'm mailing these cookies to a friend. So I couldn't have one. You shouldn't make cookies untouchable.

--Mitch Hedberg

aerial's photo of metropolitan during night time\

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

--Mitch Hedberg

man and woman kissing beside body of water during daytime

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

--Mitch Hedberg

Dark purple to red to orange gradient

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

--Mitch Hedberg

man in blue tank top holding green and black skateboard

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

--Mitch Hedberg

star sequins on white platform

I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said ‘Where do you see yourself in five years?' I said, ‘Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!'.

--Mitch Hedberg


trees at sunset

A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.

--Mitch Hedberg


empty seashore near high-rise building

I hate dreaming because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.

--Mitch Hedberg

closeup photography of brown and gray concrete bricks

I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.

--Mitch Hedberg

silhouette photo of mountain during night time

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, Hey -- maybe a killer is after you!

--Mitch Hedberg

silhouette of trees during nighttime

My manager said, "Don't use liquor as a crutch!" I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.

--Mitch Hedberg

photo of brown parquet

Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!

--Mitch Hedberg

Dark purple to red to orange gradient

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly.

--Mitch Hedberg



Light blue to dark blue gradient

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Darn! Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."

--Mitch Hedberg


blue sky with stars during night time

I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like "I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!

--Mitch Hedberg

yellow green leaf

I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, "this is not a library!" "OK! I will talk louder, then!"

--Mitch Hedberg


white flowers

I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk.

--Mitch Hedberg


green and red flowers

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

--Mitch Hedberg

silhouette of a woman with pink and purple sky

You know crazy straws -- they go all over the place? These straws are sane. They never lost their mind. They say, "we're going straight to the mouth. That guy who takes a while to get there? He's crazy.

--Mitch Hedberg

brown wooden board

I like those blow-up beds. "This becomes a full size bed in three minutes!" Well, a mattress kicks your ass. Zero seconds. "Yeah, but you can store this thing." You can store a bed, too -- in the bedroom.

--Mitch Hedberg

glass window pane with yellow concrete wall

I play the guitar. I taught myself how to play the guitar, which was a bad decision... because I didn't know how to play it, so I was a shitty teacher. I would never have went to me.

--Mitch Hedberg

blue sky with white clouds

I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.

--Mitch Hedberg

person holding white book

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win.

--Mitch Hedberg

purple and green light digital wallpaper

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

--Mitch Hedberg

white rock formation on sea during daytime

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.

--Mitch Hedberg

red rose

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.

--Mitch Hedberg

None

I had a Velcro wallet in a casino. That sound annoyed the hell out of me. Whenever I lost money, and I opened the wallet, it was like the sound of my addiction.

--Mitch Hedberg

sunset

Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.

--Mitch Hedberg

body of water under blue sky during sunset

I called the hotel operator and she said, "How can I direct your call?" I said, "Well, you could say 'Action!,' and I'll begin to dial. And when I say 'Goodbye,' then you can yell 'Cut!'

--Mitch Hedberg


two gray pencils on yellow surface

If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.

--Mitch Hedberg

woman in black tank top

I wrote a script, and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts, and he read it, and he liked it, but he said he thinks I ought to re-write it. I said, "Fuck that -- I'll just make a copy!

--Mitch Hedberg


None

I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.

--Mitch Hedberg

macro shot photography of two votive candles

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

--Mitch Hedberg

mountains under starry sky during nighttime

I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.

--Mitch Hedberg

None

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

--Mitch Hedberg

lighted candle in dark room

I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.

--Mitch Hedberg




None

I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.

--Mitch Hedberg

three books on surface

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.

--Mitch Hedberg

None

I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.

--Mitch Hedberg

person holding yellow petaled flower

I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.

--Mitch Hedberg

black Corona typewriter on brown wood planks

They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that.

--Mitch Hedberg

None

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill.

--Mitch Hedberg


silhouette of mountain during sunset

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

--Mitch Hedberg

landscape photography of brown mountains

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right.

--Mitch Hedberg



blue sky with white clouds

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized!

--Mitch Hedberg

None

A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it's the way we perceive it." And then I realized I just should have said, "Yeah."

--Mitch Hedberg


black textile in close up photography

I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn, and nothing happens. You're like, "Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk!

--Mitch Hedberg

black textile in close up photography

Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.

--Mitch Hedberg

lights pattern swirls

What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

--Mitch Hedberg



mountains covered with fog

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

--Mitch Hedberg

yellow flower field near mountain during daytime

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.

--Mitch Hedberg


black wooden louver door window

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

--Mitch Hedberg

two women sitting on wooden dock over body of water

A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.

--Mitch Hedberg

tilt shift lens pink fetal flowers

I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once... so I can make a cart.

--Mitch Hedberg


grayscale photography of pug

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

--Mitch Hedberg

None

I make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, and then I don't do anything for an hour. Why do I need the instant oatmeal? I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive.

--Mitch Hedberg

fine trees waving

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

--Mitch Hedberg

silhouette of person wearing cowboy hat during sunset

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

--Mitch Hedberg


None

People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying to make me late for something.

--Mitch Hedberg

palm tree under orange sky

Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

--Mitch Hedberg

silhouette photo of person holding flashlight under milk way

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

--Mitch Hedberg

full-moon above snow-capped mountain painting

On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at.

--Mitch Hedberg


silhouette of kneeling man

I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.

--Mitch Hedberg

We wish you a perfect day!