Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.
Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.
Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year.
Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year. That's why you need a strong line of communication... which includes laughter.
Never having alone time is real tough on people.
Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile.
It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.
In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drive you!
In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!
I was this non-threatening funny guy who contrasted the image of the Brezhnevs and the Reagans of the world.
I have American in-laws, and I care about the environment. We don't use disposable diapers, which, of course, creates an environmental problem of our own.
Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds.
In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!
Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling.
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.
Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.
After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore.
My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love.
In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.
People in Tulsa are totally friendly; the crowds are very nice.
To my real estate agent, Chernobyl is a fixer-upper.
There's depth in my comedy.
The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
When the needs of one person are being met by the other, there is laughter.
I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing -- like showering.
We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel.
I came to America to make it my home, and I did.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.
If love is the treasure, laughter is the key.