Inspiration and wisdom from divine felines

69 Inspiring Quotes by Zach Galifianakis

Welcome to our collection of quotes by Zach Galifianakis.

Wikipedia Summary for Zach Galifianakis

Zachary Knight Galifianakis (Greek: Ζαχαρίας Γαλιφιανάκης; , Greek pronunciation: [ɣalifianakiz]; born October 1, 1969) is an American actor, comedian, musician and writer who came to prominence with his Comedy Central Presents special in 2001 and presented his own show called Late World with Zach on VH1 the following year. He has also starred in films, such as The Hangover trilogy (2009–2013), Due Date (2010), The Campaign (2012), Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014) and Masterminds (2016). He has also had starring voice roles in Puss in Boots (2011), The Lego Batman Movie (2017) and Missing Link (2019).

Galifianakis is the host of the Emmy Award-winning talk show Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis on the Funny or Die website. He starred in the FX series Baskets for which he was nominated for the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series in 2017.

white and blue building under clear sky

'Baskets' isn't a CBS show. Nothing against that, but this is an off-kilter show on cable that the channel lets you do interesting things. Look, if it works, it works. And if it doesn't, it's just a miniseries.

--Zach Galifianakis

couple sitting on the field facing the city

The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever."

--Zach Galifianakis

brown french bulldog wearing yellow shirt

My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.

--Zach Galifianakis

white and gray floral bed sheet

My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

--Zach Galifianakis

Blue to purple gradient

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.

--Zach Galifianakis

forest with tall and green trees during daytime

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

--Zach Galifianakis



raging waves through shores

I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.

--Zach Galifianakis

man jumping on hill during golden hour

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

--Zach Galifianakis


mountains under starry sky during nighttime

When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically.

--Zach Galifianakis

foggy mountains

You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.

--Zach Galifianakis

sunflower field during daytime

I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship?'

--Zach Galifianakis

yellow, black, green, and orange digital wallpaper

I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night, so I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza's star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, 'Who's the boss now?'

--Zach Galifianakis

sealion surrounded by rocks during daytime

A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.

--Zach Galifianakis

person wearing red running shoe

I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins.

--Zach Galifianakis

The Muppets Kermit plush toy on gray sofa

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.

--Zach Galifianakis

lights pattern swirls

It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison.

--Zach Galifianakis

group of people inside the room in grayscale photo

I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.

--Zach Galifianakis

silhouette of kneeling man

I can get away with anything. But when I try to be sincere, people just roll their eyes.

--Zach Galifianakis

Arizona landscape snow

Have you seen that show on Lifetime about that woman...?

--Zach Galifianakis

silhouette photo of aurora borealis

I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.

--Zach Galifianakis


body of water during daytime

I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.

--Zach Galifianakis

white and blue floral textile

If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

--Zach Galifianakis


multicolored abstract painting

My comfort zone is press conferences.

--Zach Galifianakis

selective photography of dried leaf

I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy.

--Zach Galifianakis

green leaf in close up photography

I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."

--Zach Galifianakis

man in orange jacket and black pants doing snow ski during daytime

I failed kindergarten because I couldn't spell my last name.

--Zach Galifianakis

black and yellow wall sconce

I don't really have a pattern yet. I don't know if I'll develop one. As far as comedic integrity, I don't have integrity in general, comedic or otherwise.

--Zach Galifianakis

sunset

I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.

--Zach Galifianakis


orange and white floor tiles

I've always been attracted to sad. If you look at Woody Allen movies, he's often playing a sad clown, and it's always been interesting. And angry clown is even more interesting.

--Zach Galifianakis

person standing on rock beside body of water between green trees

I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.

--Zach Galifianakis

landscape photo of waters, mountains, and black clouds

I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.

--Zach Galifianakis

green leaf tree on shore

The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.

--Zach Galifianakis

purple textile in close up photography

I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.

--Zach Galifianakis

green leaf

There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.

--Zach Galifianakis



grayscale photo of rock formation

Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love hate with it.

--Zach Galifianakis



grayscale photography of elephant

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

--Zach Galifianakis


None

As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.

--Zach Galifianakis

silhouette of person's hands forming heart

I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.

--Zach Galifianakis

two women lying on hammock

I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.

--Zach Galifianakis

person sitting on black surface looking to sky

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

--Zach Galifianakis

Longer Version:

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker,.


brown rocky mountain under gray sky

I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.

--Zach Galifianakis

silhouette of three people up on mountain cliff

That show, 'The Amazing Race' -- is that about white people?

--Zach Galifianakis

The Muppets Kermit plush toy on gray sofa

I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy.

--Zach Galifianakis

blue sky with white clouds

Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done.

--Zach Galifianakis

street lamp

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

--Zach Galifianakis


silhouette of mountain under blue sky during daytime

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

--Zach Galifianakis


yellow flower field during sunset

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.

--Zach Galifianakis

forest near mountain alps

I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92.

--Zach Galifianakis

person sleeping on gray gang chair

Did you ever wake up with an erection...a nd find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"

--Zach Galifianakis

white flowers

Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.

--Zach Galifianakis

None

When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria -- not necessarily by choice -- but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there.

--Zach Galifianakis

silhouette of trees during sunset

My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.

--Zach Galifianakis


couple kissing under gray clouds

My real last name is Galifianakisburg.

--Zach Galifianakis

person holding dried beans

I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.

--Zach Galifianakis

focus photo of a hummingbird on leaf

Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier.

--Zach Galifianakis

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